The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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