I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
