Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
