make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
