Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
