Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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