Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
