Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
