my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
