Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
