She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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