Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
