I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just sharted jello shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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