my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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