I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
