She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
