Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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