so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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