Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
