Soap is not a condiment
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
