i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
