So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
