God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Iām the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
