id be glad to
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
