Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
