i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
