Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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