Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
