sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
