Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
