pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
