i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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