i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
