Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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