I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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