so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
