Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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