when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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