I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
