Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Four minutes until I can fart!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
