I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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