Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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