My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
