I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
