I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wear drunk well.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
