Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
