I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
