Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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