Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
