what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
