One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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