i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
